Cowboys, Ranchers, newlyweds and Viagra(?)

One morning a husband is taking his underwear out of the drawer.
“What the **** !” he says to himself as a little dust cloud appears when he shakes them out.
“Sue!” he hollers into the bathroom.
“Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”
Sue shouts back “IT’S NOT TALCUM POWDER IT’S MIRACLE-GROW.”
———————————————————-
A cowboy told his Grandson that the secret of long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every day. So The youngster did this, and when he died aged 98 he left behind four children, 12 Grand-childern, 17 great grandchildren, and a 20ft hole in the wall of the crematorium.

———————————————————-
Amy, a city girl, marries a Texan Rancher. One day, the rancher gets ready to go out.
“The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of the cows today,” he tells Amy.
“I drove a nail into the wood just above the cows stall in the barn. You need to show him where the cow is when he gets here,ok?”
So when the artificial insemination man arrives, Amy takes him down to the barn.
“Here it is,” She says when she spots the nail in the wall.
“This is the cow, right here.

”I’m impressed!” says the man, having expected her to be a city girl with no ranch experience.
“How did you know this is the cow to be bred?”
“That’s simple,” Amy answers.
“By the nail over it’s stall.”
Slightly bemused, the man asks:

“Whats the nail for?”

“Well” she replies as she walks away,

“I guess it’s to hang your pants on.
———————————————————-
A husband comes home with a tube of intimate lubricating jelly. “This will make you happy tonight,” he tells his wife.
He was right. Later, when he nips to the loo, she squirts it all over the doorknob so he can’t get back in.

————————————————————

A lady asks the pharmacist: “Do you have Viagra?”
“Yes, madam,” he answers.
“Does it work?” she asks.
“It certainly does,” he tells her.
“Can you get it over the counter?” she inquires. “Yes,” he replies, “If I take two.”
————————————————————
A newlywed couple are about to make love for the first time. The young bride doesn’t know what to do, so the groom tries to explain in a way she’ll understand.
“Let’s make it a game, where we call your bit “the cell”
and my bit “the prisoner”,” he begins.
“When the prisoner is put in the cell, he gets angry and moves around,”
Sure enough, the prisoner is put in the cell and the wife loves it. In fact, the prisoner is such a sucess, she wants him in the cell a second, third and foyrth time.
But when she asks the fifth time, the man cries:
“Flaming heck, he hasn’t got a life sentence!”

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