The Perfect Diet

A woman with a Labrador retriever was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. Another woman behind her asked if she had a dog?
On impulse, the woman told her that no she didn’t, and was starting The Purina Diet again. Although she probably shouldn’t because she’d ended up in the hospital last time, but had lost 50 pounds before she awoke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of her orifices and IVs in both arms.

She said that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it worked was to load your trouser pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you felt hungry, the food is nutritionally complete so she thought she’d try it again.
By this time practically everyone in the line was enthralled by her story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if she had ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned her.
The Woman replied no, she’d been sitting in the street licking her balls when a car hit her…

These are good fun

V Festival – Weston Park & Hylands Park, Chelmsford – August 20th – 21st

This years V Festival takes place on August 20th and August 21st at Weston Park and Hylands Park, Chelmsford and once again features a great line-up of musical talent catering for all tastes.  some of the acts due to appear this year include:

  • Eminem
  • Rihanna
  • Duran Duran
  • Arctic Monkeys
  • Plan B
  • Dizzee Rascal
  • The Script
  • Kaiser Chiefs
  • Razorlight
  • Tinie Tempah
  • Jessie J
  • The Wombats
  • Manic Street Preachers
  • Scouting for Girls
  • N-Dubz
  • Ellie Goulding
  • The Staturdays
  • Pendulum
  • Primal Scream
  • Mark Ronson
  • K.T.Tunstall
  • Example
  • Olly Murs
  • Ocean Colour Scene
  • Imelda May
  • Eliza Dolittle
  • Fun Loving Criminals
  • Bellowhead

More information here